Japan is an ideal tourist destination, especially for those travelers used to the challenges of third world countries. You can set your watch by the arrival and departure of the trains and buses, which are efficient, clean and roomy. Our seven minute change of trains at Nagano, where we had to go down a staircase, bumping and banging my suitcase all the way,was achieved with a minimum of stress and minutes to spare. Toilets are super sanitary and fun to use. And it’s a safe and hospitable country.

So what’s up with the plethora of “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” bars, where you pay by the hour for conversation,and locales with “unlimited drinks for two hours”, as advertised in restaurants?

I decided to do a little research.

I really wanted to visit a Girlfriend bar and act like I entered by mistake- but in this one instance Gerald would not oblige me- saying it might be considered a lack of etiquette.

Japan has a population of about 125 million and it is decreasing steadily each year because fewer couples are having children. Although it’s a booming economy, in contrast to Western countries where immigrants take the low paying jobs, there is limited immigration. This is mostly due to the insularity of the society and the difficulty of learning the language. I am struck by how many old people, especially women, are working in the shops because of a labor shortage.

The society is very regimented, which I guess accounts for the smoothness of how things run. However, they have the sixth highest suicide rate in the world. and it is the leading cause of death for women 15-34 years old. So sad.

Working long hours leaves little time for socializing and many young people live with their parents. Signs are posted on the street, on buses, in trains, and in public bathrooms, telling you what you can and cannot do.

In terms of women’s rights and equality they have a long way to go. There is a 25% pay gap for women and Japan ranks the worst of the G 7 countries in gender equality.

The graciousness and helpfulness of people, even in casual encounters, is touching. The old lady at the shop where Gerald and I stopped for matcha ice cream each day, served us tea and gave me a gift of a regional specialty. When I asked directions in a store and mentioned it was my birthday, the salesgirl presented me with a bag of origami cranes.

My frustration comes from the feeling that I don’t know any more about the culture than I did after my first trip. My joy in travel comes from immersion, and after multiple trips to India and Cambodia, each time I returned with a little more insight about the people. So although I am having a great time, and would happily return,I feel more like an observer than a true traveler. Part of this is due to the fact that few Japanese will venture to speak English although they learn it in school and so my personal interactions are very limited.

The veil of mystery of Japan has not been lifted and remains an elusive fascination, but I must confess to the joy of discovering yet another toilet “option”. Our ryokan with shared toilet,in a small village, surprised me with a new one which I tried without hesitancy. An air sprayer. And I finally figured out why the figures displayed above the spray options are red and blue. The former spray the female parts and the latter is for males.

But perhaps the funniest one yet has to be the “Emergency Toilet” in the elevator of our hotel in Matsumoto.