A Toto you say? No, not Dorothy’s dog in The Wizard of Oz. It’s a brand of state of the art toilet, ranging from the basic model to super deluxe. Since meeting a woman in India who works for an organization called “Give a Shit”, I’ve had an obsession with toilet customs. In Osaka’s Intercontinental Hotel I observed three new features-“deodorizer” (although this option was available only in our master bathroom,not the guest one), “soft spray“, and “bidet. “The seat was pre warmed and when you got up after your business was finished, it flushed all on it’s own.

On my super heated seat, I pressed “bidet“. The pressure was a bit extreme and in my haste to end this unpleasant burst of sharp pellets hitting my female parts I started pushing all the buttons. When I abruptly stood up the water went flying. Finally I saw the STOP button. But too late. I had already soaked my underwear and jeans.

The Hilton in Fukuoka, despite being Asia’s largest Hilton,and designed by the renowned architect Cesar Pelli, disappointed in terms of toilet amenities. Where was the “music” (not really music, but flushing sounds to mask embarrassing noises emanating from your lower parts) , the “deodorizer” or at least spray options? There was only a choice of three and they were written in Japanese. The risk was too great of starting another Old Faithful.

Just as I was feeling disheartened, I entered the toilets in the new, super modern National Museum of Kyushu, designed by one of Japan’s most famous architects. I hit the jackpot. Not only were all options clearly shown and explained with pictures, in English no less, there was also a detailed explanation of the six steps to wash your hands. After so many years traveling this earth and still so much to learn.

Meanwhile, Gerald was becoming alarmed when I didn’t return for quite a while, but I was having too much fun.

I hear from informed sources that the Japanese are working on a conveyor belt option which offers sushi, matcha tea or ice cream while sitting on the pot.